One Thing, One Time

by Carol

You all know that I have a habit of listening to podcasts. Like  a good book, a good podcast can just take me away into thought. I often listen to them as I fall asleep, or when I am sleepless. I have recently discovered a wonderful one. Dear Sugar Radio is a podcast that resulted from a Portland, Oregon public radio show that features Steve Almond (essayist and short story writer) and Cheryl Strayed ( author of the recent novel Wild, among others.) In it each week they take on letters from readers asking for help with problems, Ann Landers style.  Well, I want to say Ann Landers style - but these two people are so empathetic, well spoken, intelligent and forthcoming, that their advice becomes more like a study of humanity. Each episode I have listened to is better than the previous one, covering all topics. Since they are both writers, they include thoughts beautifully expressed, quotes from literature, life lessons generously shared, and lots of kindness and intention. I'm hooked.

In recent years, I have made progress on diminishing my natural leaning towards worrying. When my daughter recently traveled to Paris right after the attacks, I actually succeeded ( for the most part) in not worrying when she was there. I simply decided that it was out of my control, and not worth putting my energy into. Can I do this all the time now? No, I can't - but I definitely felt like I took a huge step forward. So I was drawn to a recent episode of this podcast where the listener questioned how he could stop dwelling on things. He and those in his life recognized that his habit of dwelling was not good for him, but he didn't know how to stop. 

Steve took the first shot at it, suggesting that the things we dwell on in life are important because they have real meaning for us.  He said "when you see things in your suggestion box over and over again," those are the very things you should be "thinking about, making art about, seeing a therapist about," or simply doing whatever you have to do to discover their meaning in your life. He maintained that children are not the least embarrassed to dwell on things and will ask the same question, read the same book, over and over again until they have mastered an idea. He believes we are socialized ( or I would say "busyed" out of ) such intense consideration.

Cheryl then agreed but added a further  thought. She said while she often seeks the roots of things in order to solve them, she also recognizes that there are times when you must make an effort to just stop being "that you." She suggests that it is impossible to do that completely - and we shouldn't ask that of ourselves. There are certain aspects of our personalities that are really deep parts of us and will always be there. However, if we seek to lessen certain things, we can make changes little by little. The first step is awareness - becoming truly conscious of what you are doing in the moment ( there is that intention that we are always seeking again!) But then she suggests this wonderful idea - "doing one thing different - one time". ..."When you do it one time, it gives you the ability to do it one more time." Allow yourself to consciously enjoy "that one moment when you improved your character...for that is what change is made of." 

So I am proud of myself for putting the worry away that one time. I am sure I will begin to worry about something again soon - old habits die hard , and a predisposition to worry is in my bones, I'm afraid. But it's also true that  I now feel capable of putting it away. The next time I start to worry, I am going to consciously remember that recent experience, and I will intentionally review in my mind the idea that it is out of my hands, and that life will go on no matter what transpires. If the worst happens, I will have to find a way to deal with it - what else can I do? And if it doesn't - then what a waste of time all that worrying would have been! And I will put my energies into thinking about the roots of my predisposition, meditating on it, making art about it  - keeping myself busy with creative thoughts rather than destructive ones - putting myself "in the way of beauty." Worriers among us - want to join me?

" There is a sunrise and a sunset every day, and you can choose to be there for it - you can put yourself in the way of beauty."



(Cheryl Strayed quoting her mother's favorite saying)

Time Marches On

by Leigh

Before I begin….just a word of thanks for all the love on my last post.  It was much appreciated and much needed. Thank you.

Now onto the matter at hand.  Time.  What feelings come up when you hear the word time?  Not enough? Too little? My heart rate is increasing already! I feel like I'm always in a hurry or rushing around to get those little checks marked off on my to do list.  My days are being dictated by checking off boxes and to be honest…I'm getting a little tired of it.  We live in such a fast paced world and we are constantly fight the clock.  I don't know about you, but the more I fight the more I don't get things done.  I feel defeated and can't seem to find that extra time that I'm so desperately looking for.  And then an article arrived in my inbox the other day that helped to change my perspective on time. 

To paraphrase the article…..With most everything in life, we must remember to take a step back and reflect on our routine.  Find those reasons that we are always in a rush.  If you tell (or more importantly allow) yourself to have all the time in the world, you'll find that everything just falls into place.

It's all about allowing ourselves to have control over our lives and not letting time control us. I have a friend who has a good grasp on this concept.  She commits to scheduling in time for herself.  She has a color coded system in her planner (which is such a great idea) and one color is for "me time".  It was really eye opening to me to look at her week and see all the various colors and how often that "me time" color shows up daily.  That along with prioritizing our to do list and spreading things out over the course of a week instead of trying to jam pack everything into one day can be helpful.  When we put too many things on our daily to do list we are just setting ourselves up for failure. If we make time to rest our body and treat it right, we will perform better.  Try scheduling in things like meditation, exercise, coffee with a friend just like you would paying bills or a doctor appointment.  Louise Hay says, "once we do things that are right for our body and minds, we have all the time in the world. We exhaust ourselves on things that don't matter or aren't good for us, so we don't end up having time for things that are good for us.  Managing and gaining control of your time will allow you to do the stuff you love and feel accomplished at the same time.  You have as much time as you give yourself." (That right there is my A-HA MOMENT!)  

Louise suggests an affirmation: I create my own security by trusting the process of life.