by Deanna
Ok, it's that time of year when the festivities and decorating begin. Probably 10-15 years ago I was the queen of Christmas decorating. There would be a gold and white decorated tree in the living room, a traditional red, green, blue etc in the family room, and to top off all, a sweet blue and yellow (tea cup) tree in the guest bedroom. Add to that my rather extensive Santa collection. I admit, I was a little over the top when it came to decorating for any holiday, especially Christmas. But now when I begin to think about Christmas decorating it brings a kind of "pit in my stomach" dread.
Christmas doesn't mean the same to me as it did in years past. The calendar is full of parties, dinners, and church events. But there is that big empty space that my sweetie filled for almost 45 years of our married life. Damn it, I miss him. This time of the year with all of it's activities does a good job of distracting me from my sadness, but when it's time to decorate the tree those memories of the past flood my heart.
I don't want this narration to bring a downer to you, dear reader. But sometimes the happiest time of the year can drag our hearts into great sadness. As I begin to take each sweet ornament from its yearly resting place, it does brighten my heart to see all the lovelies I have collected over the years. I mean, how can you not smile at this....
Toby and Cinder (my kids) have filled a huge space in my heart with their love, loyalty, and loving natures. (but they can't help decorate a Christmas tree). There is a definite interest but no help.
I decorate a little slower than in past years, instead of a couple of days, it may take a week. I know I should just pare it down, but then again, once I have it all together it does bring me joy.
(who would ever guess I would have a teapot hanging on the tree??!!)
A huge addition to our family that definitely brings me tremendous joy and wipes away some of that grief is my great grand Matilda Mae. She is now 2 and has already "written" her letter to Santa. How can you not feel the spirit of Christmas through the eyes of a young child. Thank you God for bringing this bright light into my heart to erase the sadness that dwells there. It's alright to be sad, but also let the light of gladness and joy enter your heart this Christmas season.
7 comments:
Deanna, my friend, I love you so! You've not spoken of it often, but I have sensed the hole in your heart. You do a magnificent job of filling others with your love and I know that love is returned to you In spades. Yes. I do believe God knows when you need a special, very special, way to find comfort from heartache. And for you, Tillie is that special gift.
Blessings this holiday and I keep you n my heart every day. Hugs!
Deanna, I can only imagine how difficult it must be for you. And it is a great reminder that, although there is much to be joyful this time of year, it often lives side-by-side by heartache. Hugs to your dear friend. xoxo
Hugs and love to you dear Deanna. You are an inspiration and I can only imagine how difficult it is - some days more than others. You are always in my prayers. I love how you have found such light and joy in Matilda Mae.
Thinking of your sadness and the reason for it makes me want to give you a big hug, Deanna. I'm grateful for your friends and the community of love that you're part of. Your family and especially that sweet Matilda must help bring you smiles. May your holidays be filled with sweet memories.
I am thinking of you sweet Deanna and all the goodness that IS you, the love you bring into the world. Be gentle with your dear self. Big hug, Pam
Hello Deanna - I DO read the newsletters as they arrive in my inbox but rarely jump over to leave a comment (please forgive me) but yours touched me today. At a time of year when joy and peace should live in our hearts, it can also be the saddest time of year for many reasons. I hope Matilda's light keeps shining for you and am wishing you a very Merry Christmas this year and many more to come! Big Hugs,
Sending love to you sweet friend!
Post a Comment
Thank you for sharing part of your day with us. If for any reason you are unable to leave a comment here on this post, please leave your comment on our Facebook page or in our Flickr discussion group. We love hearing from you!