Finding My Rhythm

by Linda

  RHYTHM:  a regular, repeated pattern of events, changes, activities, etc

A few years ago, I began to have the feeling that something was missing. There were days where I would ask myself, "what should I do now?" It seemed like I had suddenly forgotten what I was supposed to be doing. The onset was gradual, but it eventually grew into something that was consuming me and really affecting my mood. I wasn't depressed but definitely sad. I really didn't want to feel this way and knew I needed to get to the bottom of it all.

I began to realize that the rhythm of my life had dramatically changed and was continuing to change and would continue to change. I realized that this was a good thing, a normal thing and what I needed to do was accept it and find new things to replace the things that had changed or were no longer part of my rhythm.

I remember, during my teen-aged years, people would ask me what I wanted to do with my life, was I going to go to college? what was I going to major in? where did I want to work? would I get married and have children?  where will I live? I remember thinking at that time, "how am I supposed to know" I still wonder how someone so young can answer any of those questions. I know many can and I admire that, it was just something I wasn't able to do.

Now I can look back and see that I did all of those things and more and I wonder if I chose to do them or did they choose me?

I knew my soccer mom days were over and I really missed that. There are no more practices, games or tournaments to go to (I still love soccer though!) no school buses to catch, lunches to pack, homework to finish, teacher gifts and class parties to plan. No more extra laundry to wash, curfews to watch, allowance to dole out, toothbrushing and soap usage to monitor and no more stories at bedtime with hugs and kisses goodnight.

Our children grow and change and their needs grow and change. We live this and feel it happening, it is a bittersweet passage of time as we strive to raise mature and responsible people and fondly remember the little child they once were.

These things and more became part of my rhythm, I instinctively knew what to do each minute and where to go and how to do the things that needed to be done but now the children are grown and have moved out and are living life and creating their own rhythm. It brings me a sense of joy to watch this happening. This has also left me with a huge hole in my rhythm that needs to be filled with something else. Something new, something different.

Change is good and by recognizing that and accepting that, I will be able to find what I need to fill the hole in my rhythm. Fear can sometimes stop me from accepting a new challenge and that is something I am working on. I don't want to miss out on something because I was too scared to do it.

You might think that now I can focus on "me" and do what "I" want to do, my answer to that is I was always doing what "I" wanted to do. It feels like a kind of new beginning. A chance to do things without worrying about so many things. A lot of road blocks have been taken down.

Now I'm asked when will I retire? what will I do after I retire? where will I live?  More questions I have no answers for, but I do have a lot of possibilities.

I am excited to see where this new rhythm takes me.

How's your rhythm?
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from - The Rhythm of Life: Living Every Day with Passion and Purpose by Matthew Kelly~

"Everything is a choice. This is life’s greatest truth and its hardest lesson. It is a great truth because it reminds us of our power to live the life of our dreams. It is a hard lesson because it causes us to realize that we have chosen the life we are living right now.The measure of your life will be the measure of your courage. Fear stops more people from doing something with their lives than lack of ability, contacts, resources, or any other single variable. Fear paralyzes the human spirit. Life takes courage."

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