Episode 20 - In Which I am Blown Away!

by Carol

Way back in the first postings of this blog I wrote about my journey to photography, and about how thrilled I was to have been "let in" (so to speak) to the art world. If you are interested you can read it right here.

All of my life, I absolutely knew that I was not a creative because I couldn't draw a straight line; because I was too private to expose the writing that I did for fun; because I was shy and I didn't like to talk in front of people. My family members are scientists, with a huge respect for medicine. Beyond crayons, there were no art supplies in our house. Please don't misunderstand - we had a great and fortunate childhood! Ours was about words and thoughts and games - but not art supplies.

Well guess what I came across yesterday? I was cleaning out an old file cabinet and I found my high school aptitude tests, using the Strong Interest Inventory.  And I cannot believe what I read!

I scored very high on nature, and outdoor skills, but low on adventure and risk (so true!).  My highest occupational scores were art, writing, and music! Math, science (and medical service, in which I've been working for more than 40 years!)  were all very low. Teaching was high, athletics low. (They know I am a klutz!) Hysterically, cooking was low - (and boy is it ever!)  "While these types recognize the need for change, they are not the people creating it," and tend to deal with it through their art. Listen to this! - my greatest rewards come from inspiration, rather than logic. Money is "recognized as useful but not foremost in importance." "Artistic people (HA!) seek to use their creative skills for their own distinctive work. Their goal is to be recognized for creative work "that is unique, special or unusual." They contribute feelings to a discussion, more than facts. It showed that I see the world from an emotional and intuitive perspective, rather than a logical or analytical one. (So true - I've never had a 5 year plan in my life!) I am  called visual - an observer of life.

And guess what the suggested occupations were?

                                       1. english teacher 

                                       2. librarian

                                       3. photographer (really - can you believe it?)

I have lost the doubts I once had about my career. I found my niche in it, and I supported my kids after divorce with it. But I am flatly amazed to see that I am not a pretender - that the joy I have found in this craft IS truly who I am, and really DOES fit me. I am 61 years old, and I have come full circle! Why did it take me all this time? Like Dorothy's friends, I should have thought it with my brain, or felt it with my heart. But as Glynda so memorably said, I had to discover it for myself in order to believe it. 

So, be careful with the stories you tell yourselves, my dears! Be careful about listening to the old scripts in your head, and the opinions of others. Because.... who knows you better than you?

"There is a vitality, a life force, an energy, a quickening that is translated through you into action and because there is only one of you in all time, this expression is unique. And if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and will be lost."

                                                                                           Martha Graham