Tuesday, May 12, 2015

Goodbye doesn't always mean, the end . . .

by Kim

"I wanted a perfect ending, Now I've learned, the hard way,
that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a
clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing,
having to change, taking the moment and making the best
of it, without knowing what's going to happen next."

- Gilda Radner

Honestly, I'm having a really hard time finding the right words. What to share, what not to.

I too have learned the hard way, as all of us have at one point or another, that life doesn't always wax poetic. That sometimes the chapters we find ourselves in are, well, just not the ones we pictured ourselves starring in. It doesn't mean that the entire book isn't a good one, just that we might have to make some minor adjustments. Not to the book, but with ourselves.

As some of you may know, my son has a chronic illness, a rare type of juvenile arthritis (SOJIA). The last two years have been challenging to say the least, with its ups and downs and several hospitalizations due to complications. And right now I'm struggling to juggle everything.

That's why I've had to make the decision that for now I need to allow myself a little more breathing room. After over three years of sharing photography and thoughts about life here with this incredible community, sadly this will be my last regular post. There have been some recent developments with my son that are making it harder to show up with any kind of inspiration.

I went down memory lane this last week and read some of my posts from the last three years and am taking away with me some of my own advice as I exit stage left (or is it right?) and maybe something might speak to you as well.

To give myself permission to redefine choices of what is and what is not absolutely necessary.

That happiness is accepting where I am, and when I observe what is in front of me I will still be able to see joy dancing.

To make time for nothing, it's where peace and tranquility resides.

That in chaos, life depends on being able grow where I land (or where I'm thrown).

To pay attention to metaphors through my lens, life is constantly teaching me a lesson if I'm willing to listen.

To start out each day with something agreeable, like a rose, and not a thistle.

Focus on the gift of today, it has no shelf life.

Do not take for granted that gratitude can lead me through a day.

To remember that sometimes the more I chase things, the less likely I am to find it.

I am going to allow myself to be in the stillness of a space without a plan.

That art can be used for healing. That pain can be turned into something beautiful. To see the silver lining in the things that feel so hard.

To remember to look a little harder, to take a little extra time, to dig down deep, to find the good in the places that are the most difficult.

And I'm going to do my best to continue looking for beauty beneath the gray days, knowing that there is always something shimmering like gold somewhere.

"Never say goodbye because
goodbye means going away
and going away means
forgetting." -Peter Pan

To this fabulous community of creatives, and to my FOL sisters, it has been a privilege to be a contributor here. I am grateful for our time spent together and our friendships, and for your support. Focusing on Life continues to be such a great platform for sharing our lives and our art and I will still be one of your biggest fans.

So, I'm not going to say goodbye. Just see ya 'round.

Love, Kim xo


Cheryl McCain said...

I'm so sorry your son and your family is going through this valley in life. We have those and your words of wisdom that you've shared shows you too know that and I have confidence that you'll come through this in a better place. Good luck and warm wish for your journey ahead.

heyjudephotography said...

I have tears in my eyes reading this today Kim. Tears because, as always, you have the perfect words, the perfect way of putting things....and tears because I'm really going to miss your way of looking at life and your insightful words and beautiful photography. I hope you know that you and your family are always in my prayers. Hope you are back here with us again real soon..XO

terriporter said...

Yes, as Judy said, tears are flowing while reading this. Although you know you will leave a big hole in this place as well as in all of our hearts, you also know how much we understand that family always, always comes first and that giving yourself some more time and energy to take care of them (and you) is necessary. We will all be thinking of you and your family and praying for the best outcome. We will also be hoping that it is not too long before you are back here with us. Don't forget to take care of yourself along the way and let us hear from you often. Big hugs to you.

CarolHart said...

You will be missed here Kim. Sending you prayers of love to light your way on your journey.

Anonymous said...

Kim, Im so sorry to see you go...I have enjoyed your stories and photography of life, but I completely understand why you are having to make this decision. You will be missed, but not forgotten. Every time I see a butterfly I will think about you and all that your having to go thru. Prayers for you and Sam!

Stephanie said...

Oh sweet Kim, what a touching, heartfelt post! You have brought tears to my eyes, my friend. You have certainly had a beautiful journey here, but like you said....goodbye doesn't mean the end :) You are a wise woman and I believe you are making a wise decision. Your son is so blessed to have you as his mother. Thinking of you! Much love being sent your way!

Dotti said...

I read this early this morning but didn't comment right away because frankly, I'm too overcome with emotion to say what I want to say. Putting family first is definitely a must and Sam's situation is such that he needs you much more than we do. But that doesn't make it easy to 'let you go', even if it should turn out to be temporary. Yes, I shall miss you most of all and secondly your photos and words. But you'll be back, my friend. I promise. This isn't 'goodbye', it's 'so-long'. Sending hugs and prayers each day. xoxo

Viv@Thoughts from the Desktop said...

So sorry Kim that you have had to make this decision But I can understand why you have made it. As always my thoughts are with you all my friend, take care of yourself and gentle hugs to your son. He is a remakable young man and so brave.

leigh said...

We will miss you Kim!

Carol said...

Like Dotti, I read this early and just couldn't. You are a big part of this family, and I will truly miss your beautiful writing style, and your wonderful thoughts. And how will we survive without your sunrises? I rose many mornings with you! Prayers to your family and you, and I hope you will come back from this terrible struggle with positive outcomes for you and for Sam We will be thinking about you....

marygems said...

I will miss your posts as they are always the first I open when I come online.
THANK YOU for all the beauty you have shared with your readers.... it has been such a blessing.
May God be with you and your son as you travel this very hard and painful journey.....may people bless you often, with loving kindness, a shoulder when you need one, wisdom for your son, and little joys to help you hang in there.
I have my 40 year old son back home with me and he has Aspergers...not painful at all... just something to be dealt with with God's loving kindness, mercy and grace.
May His peace guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus, an fortify you with the word when things are tough.
Appreciative wishes from across the ocean, Mary, New Zealand.

Sarah Huizenga said...

We will miss you Kim, but you have to do what is best for you right now.

kelly said...

kim I will miss your sense of wonder with the natural world and your inspired stories. you and your family will be in my prayers and I hope that someday soon your circumstances will allow you to return here. xoxo

Roxi Hardegree said...

Wishing you tons of peace as you make that time for nothingness. Your timely posts will be missed but I know I'll get glimpses of you here and there.

Cathy said...

Kim, your amazing eye for the beauty in the world and your poetic words, will be missed for sure. But doing what you know in your heart is best right now is a good thing. xoox

Jan Adams said...

Kim. know that our hearts will remain with you. You have been a wonderful part of many of my days. Thank you and know that you always have a place among friends here.

AFishGirl said...

You've brought great beauty into my life here in FOL. I'll be thinking of you. A book that helped me, "Full Catastrophe Living.' It really helped. A lot. Have a look at it. Thinking of you and your family with compassion today. oxoxoxoxo

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