I have to be honest with you all. It's Monday and I'm trying to throw a post together for today. It's been a really rough couple of weeks around here and I'm barely keeping my head above water. Life has become unpredictable and that makes me extremely uncomfortable. My 9 year old daughter started having panic attacks a couple months ago. It tears me apart watching her anxiety increase, inability to take deep breaths, feeling of panic and nausea. Nothing that I say or do seems to help ease her. Luckily we found a wonderful therapist (and an art therapist at that!) who is working with her once a week and we have already seen a difference. After finally feeling like I was getting her situation under control and life was getting back to "normal"….whatever that means….my thirteen year old son tells me that he is feeling very sad. I know at his age hormones make his moods unpredictable but it's more than just that when he told me he often cries himself to sleep. As a mom this just brought me to my knees…..watching both of my children struggling. Thank goodness he is very open with me and with his doctor and we have found a therapist that is a good fit for him. So here I am…a mom with two kids in therapy. I just couldn't get past the feeling that I failed them….that I did something wrong. Our pediatrician told me that all three of her kids were in counseling at one point and time and that it was a good thing. That helped relieve some of my feelings and I started to realize just how beneficial this was going to be for my kids and for me. I'm happy that they each have someone that they can be open and honest with besides family and friends.
Last week I finally feel like I'm starting to get my groove back. The kids seem to be doing well and I'm ready to get back into a regular schedule and routine again. Then the dog starts throwing up…..and won't stop. A visit to the emergency vet ends in an admittance to the doggy ICU and that pretty much caps off a shitty (and extremely expensive!) start to 2016.
Thankfully my sweet dog didn't have to have surgery. He is feeling better and came home last night. My heart is feeling good again waking up to a happy dog, happy kids and a delicious latte made with my new espresso machine. As I sit down to enjoy my coffee it hits me…..tomorrow is my day at FOL! Oh crap! Needless to say my camera hasn't been picked up in awhile. So I bundled up…grabbed my camera and nifty fifty lens and headed outside. I decided to look for textures that would make for interesting black and whites. I rarely shoot in black and white so this would be a nice change. I spent maybe 15 minutes outside in the freezing temperatures before I couldn't feel my fingers anymore and I headed inside to see what I got. This 30 minutes I spent shooting photos and editing them was much needed me time. Even writing this post and putting it all out there has left me feeling so much lighter. I apologize for the rambling post, but I sincerely thank all of you for a community where I can be honest and speak to what's on my heart. Life isn't always great. There are lots of ups and downs and I'm thankful that photography has given me an outlet for my emotions. Photography is good therapy.
There are far, far better things ahead than any we leave behind.~C.S. Lewis