Wednesday, February 4, 2015

Zip….Zilch….Nada

by Leigh


It is Tuesday morning and I'm sitting at my computer trying to write my post and I have to be honest with you all…..I have nothing.  Zip….zilch….nada.  In fact, I haven't picked up my camera in over a week.  I've hardly even shot anything for Instagram.  And now that I think about it….I don't really remember what I did yesterday.  Life can be so overwhelming sometimes.  Do you ever feel like everything just happens at once?  It's like a domino effect of bad news and stressful events.  I consider myself a very positive, "glass half full" kind of a gal, but when things seem to just pile on one after another it can be so difficult to maintain that positivity.  You get buried under that negativity and it's hard to climb your way out.  At some point you just throw your hands up and scream…"that's it!  I give up!"  That's pretty much where I am right now.


“When you get to your wits end, you will find, God lives there. ~Author Unknown”


I'm not telling you this as an excuse for my lame post today.  I'm not telling you this to garner some sympathy.  Instead I'm writing from the heart.  I'm giving you all I've got today…..and I hope that despite the lack of inspiration, the lack of pretty images, the lack of well…my usual happy go lucky self that you might appreciate some honest words. Sure I could have dug up some old photos and conjured up some sort of post about my love of nature or my fondness for shallow depth of field, but it would have been half assed.  In my head (and my heart) I needed to just come out and give it all I've got even if it's not that much.

I know I'll get out of this rut I'm in soon and I'm sure that if I was to pick up my camera and take 15 minutes to myself to find some beauty that it would make me feel better.  I just don't have it in me right now.  Ever feel like you just want to go back to being a kid?  When your biggest dilemma in life was who you were going to call your BFF that day.  I don't like being the grownup.  I don't like having to explain death to my children.  I don't like seeing my loved ones in pain.  I don't like being the strong one when all I want to do is break down and cry myself.  I'm optimistic that next time we meet again I will have some pretty images and happy words for you, but until then all I can do is keep on keeping on.



“Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow, it empties today of its strength. “
-Corrie Boom



12 comments:

Karen Pickles said...

I know this place you're in all too well. I call it the "funk" I'm in... Get that cry, a good cry can be so cleansing!! Hugs to you!

Jeanne said...

We all get like this for sure! but your photo is amazing when ever you took it. That is one thing I love about my journaling! It helps refill me when I am empty... never fails. Sometimes we just need to step back and be quiet and give our selves some quiet t ime.

Dotti said...

We all come to this place in our lives, more times than we wish. Sometimes it is just a funk; other times it is, as we know, external, life events completely out of our control. Those are the times that are so very hard, the times when we want to lean on others instead of feeling that we're holding the whole world up. God is there, at the end of your struggle. When you reach that point, you will start to come back. And comeback you will, because that's what we do. Life, and love, demands it, makes it possible. Big hugs, Leigh.

heyjudephotography said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
heyjudephotography said...

Yes Leigh, its hard when life comes crashing down on us and we're supposed to be the one to hold the weight of it all on our shoulders. You know you have my prayers and love.

Linda said...

Your post has a beautiful picture and words from the heart. I know you will rebound soon.

terriporter said...

Oh, Leigh, so sorry to hear you are hurting. Being a grownup is so hard sometimes. I know exactly what you are talking about as I am in a similar state of "funk" myself. I know getting out and shooting some of the beauty around me would help but I just can't get myself to do it. Sometimes it helps to look back at other hard times and realize you came through them and you will again. You have my thoughts and prayers as you navigate that road.

CarolHart said...

It is interesting that I read this post from you today. Just this morning I was journaling how I feel like all the emotions are pushing in on me; happiness, sadness, worry & concern, and I'm tired. Perhaps it is the winter season wearing us thin, exposing the rawness of life. I try to remind myself to lean into it, let it run through me. It is better to go with the flow than to try to push against the tide. We can do it together.

Carol said...

Yup - we all can recognize this, and I would say after the last two weeks you have had, well - you are allowed! I think women are always a big part of the glue that holds things together, because we are the ones there. As for explaining bad things to your children, it never gets easier. It would be nice to be able to protect them from everything, and it would be nice ourselves to be protected from everything. But that's not life - sound like you need sleep and hugs. Prayers to you all!

Kim Stevens said...

I totally get it, in fact I had a mini meltdown in the Starbucks last week because my son was having another flare, only this time he couldn't walk. I had to take my coffee outside because I could no longer keep my cry to myself. Sometimes you just have to let it go, and as I walked along the boardwalk and looked into the ocean I saw something that gave me pause, that made me go back to the car and get my camera and as I was shooting and thinking about it I suddenly felt a peace wash over me. Not everything will be okay, but we do get through it, and hopefully stronger for it. xo

Deanna said...

Oh Leigh, I know how difficult life becomes sometimes, I know the feeling of "throwing in the towel", I completely understand the feelings of wanting to be a child again with so few worries and decisions to be made. But somehow we all manage to float again to the top, to get ourselves back in the groove, to recognize the gifts we do have. If we are always on top of the mountain and never walk thru those valleys, we don't grow and learn to appreciate life and our blessings. Hang in, we love you!!

Linda/patchwork said...

I'm sorry you've been going through this tough spot. Time helps....it really does.

Reading all the comments here, you can rest in the knowledge that there are others who care....who will help you up, and brush you off.

Give yourself permission to grieve for a while. That helps, too.

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