Ok, it's that time of year when the festivities and decorating begin. Probably 10-15 years ago I was the queen of Christmas decorating. There would be a gold and white decorated tree in the living room, a traditional red, green, blue etc in the family room, and to top off all, a sweet blue and yellow (tea cup) tree in the guest bedroom. Add to that my rather extensive Santa collection. I admit, I was a little over the top when it came to decorating for any holiday, especially Christmas. But now when I begin to think about Christmas decorating it brings a kind of "pit in my stomach" dread.
Christmas doesn't mean the same to me as it did in years past. The calendar is full of parties, dinners, and church events. But there is that big empty space that my sweetie filled for almost 45 years of our married life. Damn it, I miss him. This time of the year with all of it's activities does a good job of distracting me from my sadness, but when it's time to decorate the tree those memories of the past flood my heart.
I don't want this narration to bring a downer to you, dear reader. But sometimes the happiest time of the year can drag our hearts into great sadness. As I begin to take each sweet ornament from its yearly resting place, it does brighten my heart to see all the lovelies I have collected over the years. I mean, how can you not smile at this....
Toby and Cinder (my kids) have filled a huge space in my heart with their love, loyalty, and loving natures. (but they can't help decorate a Christmas tree). There is a definite interest but no help.
I decorate a little slower than in past years, instead of a couple of days, it may take a week. I know I should just pare it down, but then again, once I have it all together it does bring me joy.
(who would ever guess I would have a teapot hanging on the tree??!!)
A huge addition to our family that definitely brings me tremendous joy and wipes away some of that grief is my great grand Matilda Mae. She is now 2 and has already "written" her letter to Santa. How can you not feel the spirit of Christmas through the eyes of a young child. Thank you God for bringing this bright light into my heart to erase the sadness that dwells there. It's alright to be sad, but also let the light of gladness and joy enter your heart this Christmas season.